Well in my last blog I was hoping for things to start going right and they actually have:D. Within the space of 20 days everything ive wanted to go right has. I got a really good pay day which I still have some left over,(that NEVER happens), I passed my theory test again, I got the job I wanted in the cash office, my holidays are pretty much sorted and Ive paid all my debts. As everything is heading the right way I am setting my mind to a few more things to do. Ive applyed for Leeds Met uni so im hoping it will be good news on that front aswell. I had a mega new years eve except from a weird bloke and all my girls made up…i actually cryed from being happy lol. I also went out on saturday for Becks 20th and had a mega night which we just laughed all night. If this year carries on this way its gonna be amazing!!! Till nxt time x

Well i said i wasnt going to leave it as long this time but i really did lie lol. its been ages. ive been workin even more now and never seem to get any time to myself. well a update on the last blog. The funeral was very hard, we was late as Daren couldnt get organised and we was all in a massive mess in the end. it was nice to catch up with all Darens family though, especially his auntie Mary.  she died last week on holiday which came as a massive shock. its turned christmas round even more. All i seem to have done since ive started my blog in august is write about whos died, and I cant wait for next year to come.  on that note Buzza died the other week aswell. I didnt know him that well just from town but its still sad. At least he’s back with his twin though. Christmas has been pretty shite, weve all been workin n daren worked xmas day, i could probs go as far as sayin it was one of the shittyest weeks this year lol. I hope next year brings better luck than this year. This ones been full of upset and shit and it would be nice for things to start going right. Its new years eve tomorrow and still we have no plans. Well the next time i write in this blog will be next year so hopefully ill start on a happy note and not who else has died. till next time x

Ive been meaning to write in here for ages but I really aint had the time. Ive been working loads but it did show on payday when I finally paid my catalogue off after a year:D Aint really been doing much other than work but I have been spending alot of time with Emma and Kelly recently. We have such a laugh and im so glad weve all become close cos I love it:D We went chesterfield and town last week and it was one of the best weekends ive had in a bit.  Aint seen much of them this week though as Darens dad died on monday morning and its been a hard week for us all. The atmosphere in the house is just shit and were all knackered and guttered. Weve ended up with his Cat Ally though. Jinx and Jaffa keep hissing at her but they will just have to get used to her being here. Its the funeral next wednesday and im hoping that goes well. He had been ill a while in hospital but was getting better as he had been transfered to community. We think he just gave up as some of the things he was saying to family the few days before were strange. We also think he has left Daren something special…swollen ankles lol. Bill always had swollen ankles and the day after he died Daren has them. I dont think im up to anything this weekend. Ive stayed in all week and think I probs will till after the funeral. I aint spending much now either with christmas coming up. Ill try not to leave it this time as long. Tara x x

Well I aint wrote for a while its been busy busy busy. Been working full time at work so that means im well on the track to sorting everything out:D I went to Birmingham last week for Kats birthday. Was absolutly packed and I enjoyed it but Lj felt ill and my heart really wasnt in it so we had a pizza and went back to the hotel. Been working all weekend as well as going out so ive finally caught up on the sleep. Went town on thursday with LJ and Nat, obviously lost Nat just for a change and me n Lj went illusions which may I add she loved for a change and we had a right good night was such a laugh We ended up having another food fight was sooo funny. I kept hitting her with a sausage screaming “im hitting you with a sausage cos ure a vegetarian” haha random drunkness comments. We woke up laughing about the whole night was right good. Friday night me and Lou went down sutton with her sister and we was soooo drunk. Lou went home and dont know how she got there and I just ended up that drunk I kicked off haha. Dan was out and was ignoring me, not a good idea to ignore me when im drunk. I got quite mad but did explain that I dont care whats happened between us I would rather us be friends like we have since the year dot but I cant see that happening to be honest. I didnt go out saturday as I was far tp knackered after working and going out so I caught up on the sleep. Think the plan for this weekend is Ripley friday and Chesterfield saturday as its Deans birthday so that should be good. Till the next story to tell x x

Well I finally started work this week. Quite enjoying it and ive been told ive picked it up really quick so thats a plus point. Already put in for overtime so the money should be coming in soon.

Went to some of the uni lads housewarming sunday. Was a right laugh even though I fell over before the bottle of vodka n smashed my legs in proper. I think everyone ended up absolutly smashed and it was a pretty eventful night including a A and E visit for Chris.

Opened the chad today after work and seen a familiar face. Granville was found dead in his flat. Whatever happened I hope they find out soon for the families sake. I havent seen him for a few years but used to see him alot when I was with Carly alot. As soon as he walked in used to shout “Graaaaaaanvillllle” he was such a laugh and will be missed by loads of people. My heart goes out to all the family.

On a happier note im going town tomorrow with Lou, Caroline and James as I aint been in ages and going to Birmingham on saturday for doodles birthday. 20 years old chuffin hell. Ooh yeah and Lj passed her driving test 2day yaaaaaaaay. Well done laddo x x x

I havent really done anything this weekend other than Omi’s party. It was a crazy night and nice to have a piss up like the old days as well as meet some new girls which have already decided they want future piss ups. was a mega night where we was all hammered. me and kelly went on a secret mission and got more drunk than we should have because of it but thats part of the fun. Song of the night was definitly Torn as a ladyboy was singing it on bigboxtv. I really am going to have to try and get friday nights off so we can all do it more often.

On that note you may have guessed I have finally got a job:D. Its on the checkouts at morrisons which is perfect for me really as no running around and lifting to hurt my back more. Im going to cane the overtime and sort out my debts and driving, and save for Ibiza next year. I dont know if the doctor would want me working yet but if I stay at home all the time any longer i will scream.

Ive also stuck to not going down mansfield much which I can already tell the difference in my money. Im starting to prefer random cheap nights these days or nights out somewhere different. Me and Lou are making a A-Z list of places to go and going to try and do them. Im quite looking forward to the next few months and hoping I stick to all the things Ive promised my self. till thee next time x x

Well ya know when Im bored when I actually write on this thing. I was contemplatng going to bed as I was rather tired but got a phonecall which woke me back up. Just for a change the gals have been fighting in town. Not with randoms but against each other. Girls that were best mates 6 weeks ago and even went on holiday together. Its starting to piss me right off that I cant seem to go out anymore without feeling that the other side will be talking about me because im with the other. Suppose its a good job ive decided not to go town for a while unless its for a good reason.

Last friday was Sammy’s 18th birthday party so happy birthday for last week babe. Was an amazing party and was great to see people all in one place that I dont see often enough. Me and Callie ended up down Sutton which usually I hate but I had a really good night and seeing people I been dying to see and talk to for ages. We didnt get in till 5 so thats when ya know its been a good night.

Saturday me and Beck went to Matts flat to see all the uni lads (Joe,Az,Matt,Mark)and met a few of Matts mates that were mint, and then down Notts for gatecrasher opening. Gatecrasher was that packed that we didnt get in so we ended up in Stealth which was diabolical. When we got back to Matts a 6ft plantpot was knocked off his balcony which was pretty amusing at the time. Was really good seeing them all after the summer as they are all mint so I bet Beck was loving life.

Had Libby again this week aswell and she was pretty misbehaved all day and night, and I was ill so that made it much worse.

Todays Omi’s 18th Birthday and Carolines 19th birthday so Happy Birthday:D Going to omi’s tonight with a few of the gals for a good old fashioned piss up. looking forward to it as we havent all had one for a while. Even turned down a party at Julies bar and Carolines 19th in Loughboro. Sorry guuuuuys.

Till next time xx

Me and Gemma was talking about OCD’s the other day and how you don’t click you have them till you really think about it. We came up with I need all pictures on walls straight, I need things symetrical if I have 2 things the same, all mantlepeices have to be symetrical or i stress. Me and Gemma both had toilet paper has to be over the top on holders and not under and she has a fear of odd numbers on cd players but can cope with 5’s which is what started the topic as Beck also has this. Kirky has to check doors locked about 10 times, make sure taps are tight, pens have to be parellel in draws, check the time on the phone before going to bed which I also have to do. Im gonna ask some people and keep blogging them as I find them quite funny how no-one usually notices they have them. Anyone else got any? x

There seems to be sooo many birthdays today. So Happy 18th Birthday Sammy and Shaz! theres a few other people i know as well with birthdays so happy birthday to them all.

Cant belive Sammys 18:| i thought they would all stay my year 10’s forever and ever but they all big girls now:O looking forward to sammys party on friday should be good:)

In other news matts done something to his foot and is now the proud owner of a pink plaster cast around his leg for 6 weeks. Even though only halfs bright pink the rest is light pink. Im sure you’ll get bored of the pink matthew haha. And it needs to heal quick or we’ll miss nights out:(

Its gatecrasher opening saturday in notts so im going to that with Beck and lads she went to uni with. Always have a good night with them and Beck so it should be mint:D Ill update you after the weekend:D x x x

Well today i finally got round to putting up my wardrobe so ive been tidying my room. I had been reading all my random documents on the laptop and had found a old argeument with my dad which made me have a few thoughts. Half hour later what do i find? His Cd. Seems strange still after the past 20 months that the past 20 months have happened. Only seemed like last week that I read that first email when he found me. Now 20 months later I feel that I would have felt alot better never knowing him. He says he cared and always did. So where was my birthday wishes this month?

Families are funny things.In my eyes I have 3 familys. My mums side, my dads side and my old stepdads side. And the ones I have more to do with are my old stepdads family which are amazing. I actually feel a part of that family, something I have never felt with my real family. My mums side consists of a stepgrandad I never get to see, a nana that meant the world to me that has passed away, 2 aunties, Julie which died years ago and Sandra that is missing in Australia and a dumb uncle Mike who I cant abide. The only person I see is Julies daughter Cheryl. So you can imagine I thought I had hit the jackpot when I finally met my dad. Finally after all these years I had a dad, nana, auntie,uncle and cousin. It took a hell of a lot of courage as a 17 year old to go behind my mums back and go and meet a man I didnt even know. It was the hardest and scariest moment in my entire life and until your in the same situation where your meeting the dad you havent seen in 13 years its hard to imagine how hard it really is. And after all the guts and effort to try and be involved in this family it wasnt meant to be. Me and Kelly became best mates at first but by the time my 18th birthday came only 8 months on no-one cared. I cant help but think maybe they expected someone else? That I was the complete opposite to what they imagined I would be? Or maybe they was all happy with their little family that they didnt need another “Lockhart” joining the clan? Its alot of maybes and probably things I will never find out.

This song seems to sum everything up really http://youtube.com/watch?v=5etnQe_5TVw

None of my little ramblings probably make sense but it is 2.15am and my head is feeling a little messed up. Plus its MY blog so who cares lol.  Well im going to to sleep now and hope none of this pops up in the weird dreams I usually have. Night x